Simon stood outside the cave, pacing impatiently. It had
been nearly an hour since his partner, world famous explorer Lara Croft had
ventured into the cave, alone. Simon scratched his head under his turban,
sweating in the hot sun. The plan was simple enough. Simon obtained the map to a
priceless treasure (through methods best left unexplained), and he had hired
Lara to retrieve it. In any other circumstances, Simon would have gone himself,
but he had broken his ankle on a previous hunt, and he had owed Lara a favor.
His thoughts were interupted by a soft noise deep in the dark cave. Simon peered
in, not seeing anything more than 15 feet in. He momentarily had the crazy
notion that Lara had found an alternate exit, and left Simon here with his head
in the clouds. He shook that idea away. He had known Lara for a few years, she
would never do a thing like that. Especially considering the prize.
It was supposedly a necklace that turned a man into a god, at least that's what the translations had read. He knew Lara would understand his own curiousity and would be eager to show Simon it's power, if any. Simon sighed, and began to walk away from the entrance, until he noticed a small movement deep inside the cave entrance. Simon stepped cautiously closer, pulling out his handgun. It seemed to be an enourmous snake, writhing ever closer to the entrance. It's head was flat and shiny and pointed, and it seemed to slide across the cave floor and into the light. As it did, Simon's eyes widened. It wasn't a snake. It was a finger. A gigantic finger, with an equally huge hand behind it. With a quick flick of the wrist, the entrance of the cave was demolished. Simon fell on his rear as the now house-sized head of Lara Croft rose from the hole in the ground that was once a cave. Around her neck was a dark brown, jewel-encrusted necklace.
Simon suddenly understood what the translations meant.
Simon sat on the ground, staring at the gargantuan body of
Lara Croft, who now stood in full view. Lara was now about 7 stories tall. Simon
slowly stood up, and against his better judgement, walked a little closer to
Lara. His head just cleared her little toe, as he noted she had taken off her
boots for some reason. He looked up her body towards her head. She was still
wearing her tradmark blue top and Daisy Dukes, complete with guns the size of
Way up above, Lara breathed in the fresh air. All the dusty cave atmosphere had clogged her up. She looked down at her bare feet. She had removed her boots much earlier, before she grew, to walk a tightrope over a drop that would have spelled instant death. Unfortunetly, she dropped them going over. Oh well, she thought, no use worrying about that now. She crouched down, her face a few yards from tiny little Simon. Wow, I guess the Incans were right about the god thing, she thought to herself, slightly amused.
"Simon?" she asked down to her bug-sized partner.
Simon stared into her huge eyes. It was definetly her, the tell-tale British accent was evident. Lara smiled down at him, and he relaxed a bit.
"Croft?" he responded. "I'm guessing that the necklace isn't a hoax."
"Bingo, little guy," Lara returned. "Guess I should have waited until I got out here to test 'er out."
"Yeah, well, what can you do?" asked Simon. "So, now what do we do?"
Lara sat down, crushing a tree under her titanic bottom, and began to think. The problem with all this, she thought to herself, is the fact that Simon will probably want to sell this, or some other rubbish. We can't let this fall into the wrong hands. Lara turned her head towards Simon, staring right at him.
Simon looked uneasily into those door-sized eyes. He didn't like the looks of them. He averted his eyes form hers, and began to back away from her right foot. Suddenly, Lara shifted, and placed her bare foot easily on top of Simon, careful not to smash him into the ground.
There, that should hold him for now, thought Lara. As she ran through her options in her mind, she felt Simon's tiny form squirming beneath her sole, tickling her slightly. Annoyed, she lifted her foot, seeing Simon stare up at her. She shot him a quick smirk, and placed her big toe directly on top of him, trapping him instantly. He still struggled, but at least she could think. After a minute of pondering, she had made up her mind. In that time, Simon had managed to squirm up and get himself stuck between her sweaty toes. Lara reached down.
Lara reached down and plucked Simon carefully from between
her toes. She brought him slowly towards her face, right before her eyes. Simon
stared back into them, fear etched onto his face. She gave him another smile,
tilted her head back, opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. With Simon
kicking and screaming, she lowered him towards her enormous tongue.
Simon thrashed between Lara's fingers. He could see directly into Lara's mouth a short distance below him. Her huge, wet tongue stuck out like some surreal waterslide, leading into the dark cave of her throat. Simon fought with all his might, and after a few seconds of struggling, he freed himself from Lara's fingers. He plummeted for a few feet, and landed on a soft, wet landing pad. He began to run for the tip of Lara's tongue, but as he did, she began pulling her tongue back into the dark recesses of her mouth. Simon slipped and fell face first onto the pink muscle, and as he looked up, he saw teeth, gums, and other assorted sections of the mouth surround him. Lara had her mouth slightly open, leaving him enough light to see where he was. Simon could smell the strong scent of a tuna fish sandwich, Lara's lunch earlier in the day. Only one chance, he thought, and Simon dashed towards the opening Lara had left him.
Lara felt Simon get to his feet and run towards her open lips. She smiled, and instantly closed her mouth, trapping Simon in darkness. She bounced him around on her tongue. Lara couldn't believe it, but this was actually relaxing, and a bit fun. She giggled as she felt Simon slip around on her tongue, struggling in her saliva. As fun as teasing her partner was, it was time for business. Lara straightened up, and positioned Simon right at the end of her tongue.
"Well, Simon," she said in her oddly sweet accent, her voice booming up in Simon's face. "I guess I'll see what's left of you in a few hours."
With that, Lara closed her eyes, tilted her head back, and swallowed her partner. She felt Simon slide into her throat, down a few inches, and then nothing.
Simon slid down the slick, tight tube for a few seconds until he reached an opening, which propelled him into a large, dark area. Simon picked up his head, looked around, and realized suddenly that he had been eaten by Lara Croft. He could hear her heart beating right above him, loud, resonating thumps that jostled her entire stomach and its new contents. He suddenly tumbled forward, as Lara was moving. He guessed she was laying down. A large piece of partially digested tuna sandwich landed on top of him. Simon would soon be next, joining that sandwich inside Lara's digestive system.
Lara woke a few hours later, still right next to the cave. A small deer had wandered next to her face, probably still smelling her last meal. Lara suddenly whipped out her tongue, sticking the tiny animal to it. She pulled the deer into her mouth, and quickly swallowed it whole. She smiled and sat up as she felt the creature begin its journey down her throat and into her belly. She thought about Simon, and imagined that he was probably inside her intestines by now, maybe somewhere near her bowels. She stood up, streched, and began to walk towards civilization.