Anything But Mini Golf

(Cubed Cinder; idea by Mathew-Swift-VA)

“FORE!” a female voice shouted as a crowd of people scattered out of the way, watching as a golf ball landed within their ranks. A couple minutes later, they watched as the young woman who hit that golf ball walked up towards it. This lady, as a lot of people knew, was Kahili, and with her was her faithful Pokémon, Touckey. Kahili looked down at the ball not far from the gallery.
“Whew… that wasn’t as bad a shot as I thought.” Kahili said. She took her place behind the ball, looked rapidly between it and where the flag was, and concentrated. She took a swing, and the crowd gasped as the ball appeared to be leaning right, heading towards an Out-of-Bounds area. But Kahili stayed calm and looked back at Touckey.
“Touckey! Tail Wind!” Kahili shouted as Touckey took off for the sky. The Toucannon rapidly flapped its wings, the resulting wind forcing the ball back to the left and towards the green, where it landed within a few feet of the hole. The crowd applauded as they watched Touckey return to Kahili’s side.
“Nice job, Touckey! I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Kahili said.
“Toucan!” Touckey said as the two walked towards the green. Once they arrived and Touckey removed the flag, it was an easy putt into the hole for Kahili. She reached into the hole and picked up the ball.
“Whew… I was lucky to save par.” Kahili said as she and her Toucannon began the walk to the next hole.

The two arrived at the next hole before the fans in the gallery could as they stayed behind to watch the group of players behind her. Kahili took this opportunity to look at the nearby leaderboard.
“Second place, huh? Alright, Touckey, let’s give it our all for these last few holes!” Kahili said.
“Tou!” Touckey shouted. She set her ball down on the tee and started to line up her club, but Touckey suddenly repeatedly shouted its name.
“Huh? What’s wrong, Touckey?” Kahili asked. She finally looked where Touckey was pointing its wing (up towards the sky), and suddenly the two were looking at what appeared to be another Pokémon.
“What? What is that?” Kahili asked.
“Mew!” The Pokémon shouted. What Kahili didn’t know was that she was looking at one of the most mythical Pokémon of all time. None other than number 151 itself, Mew.
“Mew? Is that your name?” Kahili asked, obviously unaware of the Pokémon’s long history, in particular in the Kanto region. Mew said its name a couple more times and floated around in happiness.

“Well, you’re certainly a bundle of energy, but could you please float aside? You’re in the way of my shot.” Kahili said.
While Mew did indeed float out of the way, it then flew in circles around Kahili.
“Huh? What are you…?” Kahili said, only to suddenly watch as she was covered from head to toe in rainbow-colored dust. Touckey thought its partner was coming under attack and flew towards Mew.
“Toucannon!!!” Touckey shouted, only to suddenly be covered in psychic energy from Mew and tossed towards a nearby tree, knocking it out.
“Touckey! Ooooooh… I’m getting sleepy all of a sudden.” Kahili said as she was now struggling to keep her eyes open. Finally, she dropped her club, slumped down to her knees, and succumbed herself to a fetal position as she fell into a deep sleep. Mew stopped flying around and then giggled before flying away into the sky and disappearing in a blink of light, right as Kahili appeared to be enlarging in size...

About half an hour passes by, and Kahili finally wakes up, slowly lifting herself into a sitting position.
“Ooooooh… I’m all for taking naps, but during a PokéGolf tournament? That’s kinda embarrassing.” Kahili said. She got on her knees and then looked down. Her golf ball was there, but… something looked way different with the scenery. And then she looked in front of her. There were no trees to be found anywhere. In fact, some of the grass was peculiarly shaped like trees.
“Hmmm? What’s this? Have I been whisked away to some kind of mini golf course?” Kahili asked out loud as her voice echoed in the distance. She paid no mind to her voice echoing out. In fact, she had no idea she was actually towering over the very same golf course she’s been playing this tournament. Mew had made her gigantic now… just under 400 feet tall, in fact. But that was the furthest thing from Kahili’s mind as she stood back to her full height. There was the matter of the golf ball in front of her shoes and the 3-wood club she was holding.
“Maybe if I complete this mini-golf course, that Mew will take me back to the tournament course? I guess there’s only one way to find out.” Kahili said as she then looked down at the club she was holding.
“But I gotta putt with this? Sigh… that Mew could’ve at least given me my putter. And my caddie. Where is Touckey?” Kahili said as she looked around trying to find her Pokémon, but there was no sign of it. Kahili finally shrugged and got her feet in position, demolishing the landscape beneath her white shoes. Kahili hit the ball with her wooden club, watching as it rolled across the entire golf course, carving a path of extreme destruction.
“Hmmmm… the putting surface looks very cheap.” Kahili said. As she took a couple steps forward, she noticed the gigantic footprints she was leaving behind.
“Feels very cheap too.” Kahili said. Once she caught up to the ball, she stroked it again, watching as it flew forward and approached what appeared to be a tiny city.
“Oh? A city landscape? I guess this is one of those different area type mini golf courses. Sigh… I remember the ones I played at when I was younger.” Kahili said as she followed the ball.

Meanwhile, panic quickly set in across Melemele Island, especially in one of the cities as people screamed watching the giant white dimpled ball roll into view. They were especially terrified to see an even bigger woman in the form of the enlarged Kahili step towards the ball. Kahili paid no attention to the screaming people in the city. Her sights were solely focused on her golf ball.
“Hmmm… I wonder where the hole is for this part of the course?” Kahili said as she walked up to the ball and adjusted her legs. She tried to aim her wooden club down at the ball, but a couple buildings were getting in the way.
“Ugh… I must have rolled it in the rough.” Kahili said. She pressed down on the buildings with her club, watching as they instantly shredded apart into many pieces and taking more than a dozen peoples’ lives with them (but being unaware of that fact). She shrugged her shoulders on how the ‘rough’ was not grass and how it fell apart so easily, but then set her sights on the ball. After hitting it, it rolled through the city, crushing much of it like a runaway boulder. But then it came up on one of the hills and got turned to the right as it failed to clear the hill (which was actually a mini mountain), and then the ball rolled into the ocean water that crashed onto the beach. Although the ball was still afloat thanks to its massive size, Kahili still was angry.
“ARGH! Stupid water hazard!” Kahili said as she repeatedly stomped the ground out of frustration. Whatever structure was still standing came tumbling down as a result of the earthquake the mega giantess was causing. Whatever people that survived from earlier were either crushed by the giantess or fell into the newly created cracks in the ground.

Kahili finally took a deep breath as she calmed down and approached the ball, her shoes dipping into the water.
“Okay, Kahili. Settle down. You can still recover from this hole. The ball is still hittable even though it’s in realistic looking water.” Kahili said. Once again, she lined up her club and drilled the ball, getting it out of the water and then the beach sand. Either by the ball or by Kahili herself, more people got crushed to their deaths by the gigantic objects. Kahili, meanwhile, followed her ball as it continued to roll in front of her.

Meanwhile, at the Pokémon School, the class (being taught by Professor Kukui) was unaware of what was going on in the nearby city involving the giant Kahili. Kukui was about to teach his five students (Sophocles, Kiawe, Mallow, Lillie, and Lana) something new for today, but suddenly everyone felt the ground rumble. Everyone ducked under their desks.
“Whoa! An earthquake!?” Mallow shouted.
“Is Akala Volcano erupting!?” Kiawe shouted.
“Wah! According to my research, there’s not supposed to be any kind of seismic activity for another year!” Sophocles said. Then suddenly the shaking stopped, but there was now a huge shadow blocking out the outside sunlight from the classroom.
“Is everyone okay?” Kukui asked.
“Yes… but what’s that!?” Lillie said as she pointed outside at the giant white wall that was suddenly outside. Everyone cautiously left the classroom and studied the object.
“What is it?” Mallow asked.
“Maybe it’s the giant spaceship coming from outer space to claim our souls like in that one movie.” Lana said.
“Lana!” everyone shouted.
“Actually… it looks like a giant… golf ball?” Kukui said.
“A golf ball? That sounds like something a theme park would do!” Sophocles said.
“Does it belong to anybody?” Lillie asked. The ground then rumbled again with booming sounds echoing overhead. The group looked above the ball and that’s where they saw the giant Kahili coming in.
“Gulp… does that answer your question, Lillie?” Mallow asked.
“Oh my! That’s the PokéGolf legend herself, Kahili!” Kukui said.

As the group continued to look up in awe over the giantess and her golf ball, Kahili took note of the Pokémon School structure that stood in the path of the ball.
“Hmmm… another obstacle in the way. I wonder if I could make the ball hop over it.” Kahili said as she planted her shoes and aimed her club at the ball. The students and Professor Kukui begged and pleaded for their lives, with the whoosh sound that came from her swinging the club not helping them feel any better.
“No, Kahili! Don’t!” Kukui said.
“Waaaaah! I’m too young to die underneath a golf ball!” Lillie shouted.
“The apocalypse is upon us!” Lana randomly shouted. Kahili then swung her club back and then whacked the ground just before the ball, sending chunks of the ground and, most importantly, the ball into the air. Miraculously to the people of the Pokémon School, the ball and the chunks of ground all flew above the school, sparing it from being crushed by the objects.
“Whew… somehow we’re still alive.” Mallow said.
“Well, I did tell you Kahili was great at PokéGolf.” Kukui said.
However, their luck was about to run out. Kahili watched the ball land on the ground and roll several more yards (crushing a bunch of landscaping) towards the shoreline.
“Eeek! Don’t go into the water again!” Kahili said as she started to follow the ball. Unfortunately for the school, her next step forward was right on top of it.
“WAAAAAAAAA….!!!!” Everyone screamed until the school was crushed flat. There was absolutely nothing left but a giant footprint where Kahili stepped, and again, the giantess had no idea she had ended so many innocent lives (including that of a well known Melemele Island structure) with one step. All she was interested in was keeping up with her golf ball.

The ball finally came to a rolling stop on the sand. As Kahili walked up to it, she took note of another island out in the distance with a volcano adorning its center.
“Hmmm… that looks a lot like Akala Island. I wonder if I have to shoot the ball into the volcano as the hole? Only one way to find out.” Kahili said. She was now thanking her lucky stars for having a 3-Wood club on hand, as it was the only way to swing the ball over the water that separated Melemele Island from Akala Island. Before taking a shot, Kahili decided to kneel down and pick up her ball.
“Be good to me, ball. Huh?” Kahili said as she took a look around the ball and noticed many specks of red. She had no idea these were the remains of the people she had crushed with almost every putt she’s taken thus far.
“Hmmmm… what have you been rolling in? Normally I expect specks of dirt or blades of grass. Whatever. I need to hurry before the sun completely sets.” Kahili said as she placed the ball back down and stood back up, taking note of the sun setting in the distance. She knew like everyone else golf was one sport that did not work in darkness. And so she set herself up, looking between the island and her ball. Finally she took a deep breath, swung her club back, and whacked the ball. As she watched the ball fly towards Akala Island, she couldn’t help but yell…
“FORE!” Kahili shouted with a smile. She found it interesting at the same time that her FORE yell seemed to echo forever. But she watched as the ball landed snugly on the shoreline of Akala Island, slowly rolling to a stop, though it took someone with it as Akala Island’s own Olivia looked up and saw the giant golf ball coming.
“Oh heck n…!” Olivia started to say until she was crushed flat under the ball.
Kahili, meanwhile, thrust her arm forward in approval.
“Yes! Now to get to that island. I just hope the water’s shallow…” Kahili said. She tepidly stepped into the water, watching as it came up to her knees. The giantess sighed as she waded through the ocean.
“And I just watched these socks too. Oh well.” Kahili said, thinking of her signature orange knee-high socks.

A couple minutes later, Kahili was now back on dry land, towering over her golf ball. Then she locked her sight onto the volcano near the middle of the island.
“Alright. One shot for… for… for what? Oh what the heck. The Strange New World Mini Golf Championship.” Kahili said as she lined up her shot, once again looking back and forth. Finally, she whacked the ball with her club, watching as the ball again carved a path of destruction underneath. Kahili even cringed a bit as she watched an entire city get leveled underneath her ball, with debris from the buildings flying in every direction.
“Oooooh… I know it’s fake, but that’s going to leave a mark.” Kahili said. She then watched as the ball approached the base of the volcano with its momentum allowing it to roll upward.
“Come on…” Kahili said as she watched the ball approach the top of the volcano. The ball spun around the top like a normal-sized golf ball around the rim of a real hole. Just when it looked like the ball would roll back down the volcano, it suddenly tipped in the opposite direction, falling into the crater and making a little bit of lava splash out.

Kahili, meanwhile, jumped high in the air, flat out leveling the ground beneath.
“YES! Score!!!” Kahili shouted as she danced around what appeared to be just a few yards to her eyes, but it was a wide swath of ground she covered. People screamed as the mega giantess ran around, crushing whatever was in her path, including themselves. By the time the giantess was done celebrating, it was a mess. At least two cities, and maybe part of another, were demolished beyond words. But again, Kahili was far too big to notice, and even then, she was already walking from those destroyed spots and heading for the volcano to pick up her ball. She reached inside and got it out with three of her fingers, but had to let go quickly as those same fingers touched some of the lava.
“Ow! Such realistic lava…” Kahili said as she shook her fingers and watched her ball bounce harmlessly by her foot (in her eyes, anyway, but she couldn’t see the mass destruction to one nearby city).

Kahili suddenly had to blink her eyes as she saw something very tiny fly in front of her, like a mosquito. Once she refocused her vision, she saw it was the Mew again from earlier.
“Huh? You again? Did you see my shot into the volcano hole?” Kahili said.
“MEW!” Mew shouted as it suddenly shot more rainbow dust above Kahili’s head. It made her wobble in dizziness, forcing her to use her club to support herself.
“Oooooh… this stuff again…” Kahili said. She was so preoccupied with trying to stay awake, she didn’t see the incredible change that was happening to her as we speak. She was growing yet again, and this time at a feverish pace. Already Kahili was bigger than all four islands of Alola combined, and between her shoes and her club, her next step crushed all of them flat into the ocean. And yet she continued to grow and grow and grow and grow, her shoes bulldozing over once far away regions such as Kanto, Johto, and Unova.

By the time Kahili felt the dizziness go away, she gasped over where she found herself. She was floating in outer space (and able to breathe for some reason), with the entire planet in front of her face and the size of a golf ball.
“Okay, this is getting silly. Either I’ve grown too big for the whole planet or I’m now in a space-themed golf course. Pfffft… nobody can possibly grow this big, come on! I guess I’ve got more golf to play with this… well… special ball.” Kahili said. She swam her way up so that the planet was by her feet, and then she lined up her club. She pulled her club back and gave what she thought was an Earthly-decorated ball a whack. When she did so, the planet exploded in spectacular fashion, spewing fragments, lava, water, and other things in various directions.
“Wow… that ball was quite fragile. Now what am I going to play with? OW!” Kahili said, only to suddenly feel something pecking on her head. As she reached up to grab her head and blinked her eyes, complete with more of that rainbow dust, everything changed.

The normal-sized Kahili looked to see her faithful caddy/Pokémon, Touckey, pecking at her head.
“Ow! Hey, Touckey! Down!” Kahili said as she waved her arms rapidly and got Touckey off her head. As she sat up, she saw she was back on the golf course she had been playing on since this morning, and there was a slightly older gentleman to her side.
“Oh, good. She finally woke up.” the man said.
“Huh? Who are you?” Kahili said as she helped herself back to her feet with the aid of her club.
“I’m one of the tournament officials. I got called down here when more than a few golfers complained that someone had fallen asleep at one of the tees. I’m surprised it was you, Kahili!” the man said.
“I… I fell asleep? That can’t be… nothing wakes me up more than a game of PokéGolf!” Kahili said.
“I guess there’s a first time for everything, but I am sorry to tell you that you are disqualified for taking too long. Please allow me to escort you back to the clubhouse.” the man said.
“But… but it wasn’t my fault! This Pokémon named…” Kahili started to say, but then she bit her tongue. Something in her mind told her she shouldn’t say anything about Mew, a Pokémon that nobody has probably seen before in the Alola region.
“What Pokémon?” the man asked.
“Never mind. You’re right, I’m so sorry for falling asleep and holding up the tournament. Clearly I need to build my energy and stamina.” Kahili said.
“There’s no need to apologize, Kahili. It happens to the best of us! Maybe try a cup of Big Mushroom Coffee at Aina’s Kitchen before teeing off next time.” the man said.
“Yeah, I’ll consider that. Thanks. Come on, Touckey!” Kahili said as she and her Pokémon followed the man off the tee and gradually off the golf course.

On their way back, Touckey looked upset that Kahili couldn’t play anymore that day, but Kahili smiled as she looked back at her Pokémon.
“Awww… don’t be sad, Touckey. There will be other tournaments.” Kahili said. She also came to grips that it was all a dream of her walking around miniaturized sections of the Alola region and using them as a mini golf course, especially since there weren’t any news reports of some giant monster or something destroying the islands.

However, as she’s walking back, she suddenly hears a giggle from above. Kahili looked up and saw a Mew flying high in the sky. Watching the Mew disappear into the trees, she had a confused look on her face.
“Was it really all a dream?” Kahili said as she stood in place and pondered. Finally she just shrugged it off and got back to walking to the clubhouse with her Touckey in tow.
As for Mew, it giggled as it watched Kahili walk away, and then it rocketed towards the sky, disappearing in a blink of light.