SQUISHED

(diego-toon-master)


This happened some days ago. It was a nice sunny day. A new mall opened recently near where I live. They were working on it for months, but it finally opened. I went to the mall some days ago and one of the things it had was a game shop. I went there to see if I could get myself a new joystick, since a button of the one I have stopped working and I wanted to download new games with which I could use it, as well as something else that interested me if I had enough money. And what did I see…? They were selling games for old consoles, among them, GBA games. But one called my attention… It was a Game Boy Advance cartridge with the legend of Zelda logo in it. The first game that came to my mind was Minish cap, since it’s one of the only games of the franchise for that console, as well as the remake of A Link to the past, which I have. Though, it was weird, because the image was different, it only had the triforce drawn in it. When I saw it, I remembered I still had my old GBA and a few games for it, like Sonic Advance. The shopkeeper, a young woman of about my age, if not then younger, seemed to notice I was interested in that game.

“Are you interested in that game?” She asked kindly “You must be fan of Legend of Zelda”. I nodded and she said “Honestly, I myself am a fan of Zelda too… Though, I don’t know what game is it… It doesn’t even have a title written… Do you want it…? It will be just $5000 (pesos from Chile)” 5000 pesos are about 8 or 9 dollars from the USA. I had the money, so I agreed and bought it. It was pretty cheap, even for an old game. Besides, I didn’t know if I’d have this chance again. I didn’t buy the joystick though. It could wait. So I took my old GBA out of where I was keeping it, I inserted the cartridge and started to play. The logo of Nintendo appeared. I pressed start and saw the title screen. It was The Legend of Zelda: Minish cap. I only played that game in emulators, but never in a console. So I was happy about the idea of starting a file in it, so when the words PRESS START appeared below the title, I pressed start. However, at this point, things started to look weird. Apparently, there was a file created.

It had the name “SQUISHED”. The first thing I thought was… “SQUISHED? What kind of name is that for a Zelda file?” It was not that weird though. Maybe it was a used game and its former owner didn’t erase the file. It was still weird that it had the name “SQUISHED”. I didn’t care about that file and started a new game… Or better said… I tried... As soon as I tried to create a new file, an error message appeared saying “ERROR! Couldn’t create a new file” I couldn’t even give it a name. I supposed it was a bug and the file had something to do with it, so I tried to delete it… Yes… I tried… But once again, it didn’t let me… An error message appeared again “ERROR! Cannot delete this file” is what it said. Frustrated, I thought I’d have no choice, but to play that file. So, I selected that file. I forgot to mention something else that was weird about that file. When you select a file in this game, you can see the status of that file. According to it, it had the four elements, the ultimate sword, the force and all the hearts, all filled, 999 rupees, and where normally Link appears walking, It was his minish size sprite instead. I started the file. More weird things happened. I appeared as a minish sized Link on the bridge at Hyrule town, but the cat that normally is there was not there anymore, and there was also no background music. I pressed start to see the status. I had the whole map, the Tingle prize, the figure guy’s prize, all the secret moves, all heart pieces, all items and its upgrades, to resume, I had everything. I had the game completed to the 100%.

So I started to walk around Hyrule town and headed to the place where you normally see the guy that first gives you the kinstones bag, since there is a portal to change your size in there. However, I couldn’t enter the tiny hole that leaded inside. It was very weird. So I kept exploring Hyrule town. No matter how hard I tried, I could enter ANY tiny holes, at least with the ones I tried. Not only that, but all the animals and characters were gone. That’s right, no animals, no people and no background music and I couldn’t enter the tiny holes. I pressed select to ask Ezlo for an advice, but all he said was “Link, try to keep moving”. It was not very useful at all. Though, it was weird that he called him Link, since the file’s name was SQUISHED. So I kept exploring the town with no success on entering the tiny holes. That, until I went to the only house I haven’t tried to enter: Anju’s house. Honestly, there was no really a point on entering there, since the only way to enter is being minish sized and the only thing there is baby cuccos trying to eat you and a fireplace that leaded to the roof, where a cucco wants to fuse kinstones with you… Sometimes… So I entered, thinking there was no other choice.

At this point, I don’t think I need to mention that Anju and the ghost were gone as well as the rest of the characters. When I entered, as I expected, there were no baby cuccos trying to eat me. It was getting boring. I entered the fireplace (obviously with no fire in it), and got to the roof. And what do you think…? The cucco was not there. I thought of stopping playing… But… When I went back to the room, something changed. Anju was there… Standing right in front of the tiny hole. It was the first character that I encountered in this game. I was a bit happy, since the game changed a bit. Though, Anju was blocking my way outside. So I walked to her sprite, thinking she might get out. But something I didn’t expect happened instead. As soon as I walked to her sprite, she turned around and looked at the minish sized Link’s sprite and a quote balloon with a “!” appeared above her head. Normally, in the game, the normal sized characters act like you’re not there when you’re minish sized, But this time, Anju seemed to notice him.

The image faded out and then another image faded in. It was an image of a minish sized Link in a wooden floor, in front of two feet wearing brown high heeled shoes. But the image was in such a good quality. “Can a Game Boy Advance really handle such high graphics?” I thought, even though it’s known that the Game Boy Advance has better graphics than the Super Nintendo, but this seemed too good… The image slowly scrolled up to show Anju, apparently looking down at the tiny Link with an amazed look on her face. Then a quote box appeared and said the following…
“Oh my, what’s this…? Is… Is it one of those minish that people talk about?”
“I thought they didn’t exist”
Definitely, she was seeing him. But when I continued the dialogue, she said the following… “Hello there little one…”
“(!)”
“Hey are you trying to peep under my dress?”
That quote made me laugh a bit. I mean, seriously, Link trying to look under a woman’s dress? But then I remembered a scene from the minish cap manga where he tried to look under her dress after being saved from being eaten by baby cuccos and then she almost stepped on him. It has to be mentioned though, that Anju was unaware of him all the time. But then I thought “No… It can’t be…” and then continued the quote…
“That’s kinda rude”
“Luckily, I know just how to deal with a tiny pervert like you!”
The quote ended there and the image of Anju faded out. Then another image faded in. It was the sprite of a normal sized Link (or so it seemed) standing in the middle of a wooden floor. The status of the character could also be seen. I had control of Link. The boss battle from that game started to sound “What is going on here?” was what I thought. I started to move around and then saw a shadow covering him. I was surprised and rolled away from it. I couldn’t believe what the shadow belonged to until I saw it. Right where the shadow was, a brown shoe stomped down on the ground… It was Anju! I couldn’t believe it. So I started to roll away from her. I soon reached the limit. The Pegasus boots helped me avoid her steps. However, when I bumped on the limit, her foot stomped on Link, inflicting him one heart of damage to him. I then tried to use different items to attack her when her foot was down, but nothing seemed to work.

There didn’t seem to be a way out, so I wondered “What if I just let her defeat him?” And so I did. I stood still and Anju kept stepping on Link over and over, inflicting him one heart of damage with each step. I also had no fairies in bottles, so after a while, Anju took out the last heart from Link and he fell screaming like he normally does in the game when you lose. But instead of the normal Game Over screen, the image faded out and a woman’s giggle could be heard at the same time that another quote box appeared saying “I finally got you”. When I pressed A, the quote box disappeared. An image then faded in. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. It was Anju seen from view from below, lifting her foot to reveal a minish sized Link squished on the sole of her shoe.

The words GAME OVER appeared and the Game Over music from the game started to sound and a box appeared, asking me if I wanted to continue and the options yes or no. I simply turned off the console. It was indeed a strange hack. Kind of fun… But strange… Maybe it was a hack created by someone… But even then, I still can’t stop wondering… How did this hacker manage to put his game in a Game Boy Advance cartridge? And how did he manage to sell it? I think I’ll never know…


END